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Ideal Relationship with Myself
When you think about a relationship, you’re generally thinking of a romantic or intimate relationship. From there you begin that mental list of all the desired qualities and then go on the hunt. Most of the time we come face to face with failure and disappointment which spirals down to giving up. Ideals are a tricky, messy and almost impossible to find encompassed into one person. Now, take a step back and go through that ideal qualities list again. Do you know what makes that list so special and bitter sweet? It’s the list of qualities we desire within ourselves. Respect, courage, confidence, humility, and love are the defining traits of my ideal relationship with myself.
We’re not born with self esteem, the belief in our self worth or with the knowledge that tells us what those two things mean and define in us as a person. We’re taught these things from our parents and peers. In the most ideal environment the self worth is nurtured, nourished and given all the right elements to flourish into self esteem which instilling us with confidence and belief in ourselves and our ability to communicate with others, make bonds (friends), maintain relationships and succeed in our endeavors. The less ideal environment is the exact opposite which can be crippling both socially and personally. Self worth and self esteem give us the social and personal tools to achieve success and without them we will find life to be harder than it already is.
Being able to respect yourself is a sign of confidence. Ask yourself why anyone would respect you if you can’t do the same? This applies to our ideal list that we’ve formed when seeking a partner or friend; why should we demand this if we can’t apply this to ourselves? It is not often we’re able to find external solutions for our internal problems. It’s my belief that people don’t give us character; we develop it with the assistance of the company we keep.
Respect is short a definition that applies to a pretty lengthy list. So looking back on our mental list, a few things one requires is the basic essentials that sustain our body’s health. We require food and water to live. Making sure we eat and hydrate is a sign of self respect. It may seem small but life is a pretty big deal in the short and long term outcome. Tending to our physical needs such as personal hygiene, regular doctor checkups and exercise show that we respect our body and want to ensure its well being. Remember that we aren’t renting these bodies—good maintenance insures durability and with a little luck, a long life ahead with many adventures to come.
Furthermore self respect means we understand our mental and emotional needs and limitations. Coping skills come in a variety of forms such as stress management, anger management and self awareness. Stress can bombard us and I think somewhere, bombard and inconvenient are a part of the definition of stress. Unexpected events happen which make our daily responsibilities that much more necessary or difficult to take care of. How do we deal with this? Well shutting down is one way but hardly effective! This is where coping skills come in handy and give us the internal strength to keep pushing along, prioritizing and accomplishing the many tasks at hand. It’s not always easy and can be a strain on our emotions and patience. This is where external help can be handy if you have the appropriate resources, usually in the form or a responsible and reliable person.
Anger management is another coping skill and I think a very important one. Without a clear vision of ourselves and the situations at hand, our anger can agitate the situation even more, which in turn agitates us. We become less level headed which means less functional which means unproductive. Recognizing ones anger is important and will allow you to proceed in rectifying the problems present. Releasing anger in constructive forms such as conversations with trusted friends, exercise or a calming hobby will give you opportunity to clear ones head and prevent further stagnation to the problems present.
Knowing our limitations in any given relationship is important. Having the courage to stand up for one’s self, saying ‘No’ when necessary and setting safe boundaries is significant to our mental and emotional well being. Also having humility and the ability to forgive ourselves is important as well on more than just an emotional and mental level, but a moral one as well.
The majority of the ideal qualities of the self relationship so far have been internal. They will continue to be internal (for the most part) because the center of our worth is not defined or measured by our physical beauty but by our personality and all the surrounding elements that build on it. You tell yourself you want a partner with a sense of humor and open mind—well wouldn’t they want that from you too? These are two important things you should want from yourself! It has been said that our relationship with others reflects the relationship within ourselves.
Having the humility to accept ourselves as flawed creatures is important and hard. We are our own worst critic and we alone set the standards for ourselves. Being able to laugh at one’s self is important. It shows you don’t take yourself too seriously and you can accept yourself and the mistakes you make. Laughter is contagious just like a yawn and if you’re keeping the right company, they are most likely laughing with you instead of at you. A sense of humor makes us more real to others and it should make you more realistic to yourself. We’re not statues and we’re not in court. Smiling is OK and healthy! In fact, it’s generally encouraged.
Open mindedness seems to be on everyone’s list but so few actually participate in this quality. Funny word that is—participate I mean. How can one participate in an open mind? Isn’t it a state of being? Well yes, but we must participate in the act of allowing ourselves to be open to new experiences, knowledge and people in order to be considered ‘open minded’. I myself am pretty closed minded about not being opened minded. Embracing new opportunities, new people and new knowledge takes courage and the ability to respect ones limitations and comfort zones.
It is in my opinion that an above all things the ability to love and allow ourselves the freedom to be loved is the most important aspect of an ideal relationship with anyone, but in particular the relationship we hold with ourselves. We need love to grow into a healthy person, we need love to tend to those seeds of self esteem and self worth but consider those things a gift. They came from love. Love is a gift. Give it back by loving people in spite of their differences, encouraging them to get back up when they fall down and be the nourishment someone else may need to have that ideal relationship with the most important person; themselves.
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Our beliefs define the limits of our allowed experience
Relationship with Yourself 
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