So I got to thinking recently.....I'm sure you have all discovered this is a dangerous pool for me to swim in......and I have this tendency to link... 2 Comments
So recently one of my old posts got ressurrected and tossed around :
http://noblepagan.com/wicca-86/sacred_space_your_altar-2776/
It was a... 7 Comments
Okay so here I am a practioner of Wicca for 17 years. A lot of you already know that though. This does NOT mean that I am the most Wiccany or Witchy... 9 Comments
After sharing The Spiritual Component of Autism (Pantheon) and reading the discussions that followed, I got to thinking about how medication effects... 4 Comments
Last night I dreampt of my DaDah (that means Grampa in small child). He's been gone since I was 5. He died a year after my biological father.
DaDah lived in Frederick Maryland, my home town with my Maga (Grandma for small child). He was diagnosed with Colon cancer...at some point obviously and died from it in his home surrounded by family.
Death has always frightened me. I don't cope with it well. The three most important men in my life died within a year of each other and this is the root of my abandonment issues. I have a physical reaction when my mother leaves for Business Trips-- and I know that sounds odd and even extreme, and I've tried to convince my subconscious (because my conscious is all aware) that my mother won't die, she isn't leaving forever. Needless to say subconscious doesn't hear me or doesn't care.
So back to last night.
We were at my DaDah and Maga's house (she still lives there) and he was sitting in his chair (which is still there) but he was still sick. Now my DaDah, my biological father and myself all have the same outlook on illness-- we laugh about it. We make jokes at ourselves when we're sick. So when my DaDah would fart, his little colostomy bag would inflate and he'd chuckle and point "I just farted".
So, still sick, he, myself, my Maga and someone else...perhaps my sister Jill were all together, talking. He was looking at a picture of me when I was a child and smiling he said "You were such a scrawny thing then..." and chuckled. He looked at me and told me how beautiful I was and what a woman I'd grown into. He asked me about my life but I can't remember responding. I just remember being near him feeling that he was happy to have this visit with me, he wished he could do it more often and that he missed me. There was also a sense of sadness from him. I'm not sure what about.
He looked the same as I can remember...and as I think about it I can smell him...
I miss them so much.
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