The Noble Pagan Forums - Omg omg....

Here is a little adventure called my life in the last two days and/or few months in hell called work or my life....

Short overview, to paint the scene...

My job is making me sick in more than ways than one. It is a toxic environment, not just with the dust; which the dust hasn't been bad lately. (I think they finally blew it out or just other people finally complained besides me.) The negativity and the piss poor morale is about to kill me. I have never seen turnover this bad in the 6 1/2 years working for this company or any other company in the past. (I have gone thru outsourcing and layoff...morale wasn't even bad then. I am going thru a merger at work. It isn't a perfect marriage right now. All I am going to say on that right now.)

Plus my supervisor, I don't know how to explain him without being and going in a place I can't be in right now. My friend that sits near his office, over heard him talking to me in my one on one coaching/his death sentence moments. I can't talk to him. I can't. He uses and twists my words. (Best analogy/comparison is an emotional abusive relationship. He wont barely talk to me unless he has too. I am fine by that. His attitude and energy sucks. I can't be near that man.) She is shocked that I didn't telling him where to go and how to get there. LOL. I did my serenity prayer or ask for the self-control to keep my mouth shut.

And by the way, I have come to find out that one of my totems or power animals is the raccoon..and he says that "he can't get a read on me". LOL. Good thing I figured that out about a month or two ago. (My wheels are turning, I am smiling inside when he says this. Little do you know, my friend. More was said in this hour meeting, still trying to process that all. And how to prepare for my next moves.)

Any who, I was going to tell him that I had an interview today yesterday and I need to reserve a room with a phone. Phone interviews...yay!! =S

Well, this did not happen. So I had to figure out a way to do the interview without calling attention to myself and that I indeed had an interview. (He is or might confront me on this. For I didn't tell him that I had an interview. They want us to do that as a courtesy. I think they/he is holding me back. Gotta hold onto the employees that make them look good.) He asked if I was still looking at other jobs. I told him yes, that I applied for this one and that I was waiting for response back. I failed to mention to him that I had an interview today. (Did I lie to him? I don't think so, and I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I just didn't go into full disclosure. It wasn't in the card or wise decision at that point.) I called in late, however my apartment buildings were doing inspections. I used that as an reason/excuse to be able to go in late to have interview, and I did it locked up in my bedroom.

Last time I called in sick/missed work like this was 8 years ago, so I could go to interview in another town. Only way to make the interview, and I landed that job. Hrmmmm.....

Now on my way to work after said interview, I come across and found an open path, but mainly pagan/wiccan store with a triquetra symbol in it's name or signage. Hallelujah!!!!!!!! I think some of my prayers or screaming are being answered. =D

I am an easy going, positive, upbeat person. I am a good listener. I can get people to open up or talk about things. I can easy lift the spirits of someone else that is down. (I love this, because I can be grateful. I can learn from them as well.) I have been really trying to work and understand different energies, emotions, etc including humans, animals and plants. Some people will say that I am a bit off my rocker. I love and enjoy the simple things. I can find the beauty in all things, no matter how ugly someone else finds it. The list goes on....

It takes a lot to beat me down, I will get up every time. I was thinking that I may not get up this time. I don't care how much life seems or wants to kick my arse. I take it. I learn from it. If it doesn't kill me, I will be stronger. AND I HAVE BECOME STRONGER.

I was/am that weird girl down the block. The black sheep. I refused to conform and become just another sheep. I threaten people and test their "faith" and belief systems. To grow up in that kind of environment, and still come out on the other side.

I think I went off a little bit, I hope conveyed properly was I was thinking. Insomnia + stress + allergies are not being kind. Plus, my better half and kiddo are distracting me.

I think my prayers and things are coming along to get me to that next place I need to be in. I have worked to check my attitude and get back to the real me. Turn off the noise in my head/running thoughts, keeping negative energies/forces at bay. And simply enjoy life, keep a smile on my face and laugh...no matter "how shitty life seems". I can deal with it, and still have a smile or can laugh.

I can't move on or spend the energy I need to focus and soak it all knowledge the universe, plants, trees and animals are trying to teach me.....but I think finding this store is just the thing I need to survive and get this last hurdle.

<<<<I hate this feeling and place. Thank the gawds and powers to be, because I didn't I was going to overcome this beating. =S

This should have maybe been in the padded room, I tried to keep it PG-13. Excuse my piss poor attitude. Trying to get out of this funk.

*** Hugs ***
Our lives are insane and artificial. Working the best years of your life for people you don't like or respect, for what - money to buy stuff? The stress you are feeling is like your soul struggling to wake up from a bad dream, a dream that benefits from keeping you asleep. We are cattle, farmed for our ability to generate income. the only thing that keeps us at work is our acceptance of abusive power relationships, and the threat of loss from losing them.
I was in the garden the other day, and between the whirlwind of thoughts in my head I heard two birds singing to each other. I thought they're probably not thinking about how the bailiffs are going to repossess their nest after they fail to keep up payments on it due to a collapse in the global worm market. We have one amazing, precious life and it amazes me that we spend so much of it just putting up with other people's bullcrap.
Then I got distracted and went back in to the sleep of my normal life. Odd little moments of clarity spread out like diamonds in the dirt. Got to pick them up and string them together. A message here, an inspiration there, a coincidence.
I have a recurring thought, but I keep distracting myself from it. I have most of the pieces, now I just need to work out that it's a puzzle and then put it together the right way. Maybe we're both parts of a spiritual awakening that will save humanity. (I would say save the world, but I suspect the world will get along just fine without people).
OK, so what's the plan? Now I take a leap. Remembers own advice...
"If at any time you think you can fly, test the theory by taking off from the ground, not a window."
I don't have a plan, I have a thing, and a next step. That next step is to test the thing. On you. In public. In advance. Fire up the incense, plug in the Theremin, we have lift off.
I'm not going to say exactly what it is yet until the results are in. But watch out for diamonds in the dirt real soon. I'm not doing this to make you rich, that would only keep you asleep but in a more luxurious dream. This is about waking up out of a bad reality by showing how that can start to turn around for you. Buy that charity raffle ticket, enter that free competition. Ask in that strange new shop about a job vacancy that they didn't know they had until recently. The universe shifts and rearranges itself in strange and mysterious ways.
Please let me know how good fortune manifests for you in the next month. I've only done it for friends and family previously (and one other who may or may not wish to remain anonymous ;p)
If this works for you I'll go mainstream and launch the website. (Already bought in a moment of clarity, or was it insanity?) I will build it and they will come. They may come to take me away in one of those tight shirts that fastens up the back. But what if it works?
It is done. Good luck!