First off, I am a patient person. I have more than most people have. I would be a rich person, if I had a quarter for every time I heard the adages..."Patience is a virtue." " Learn to be patient." "All goods things, come to those who wait and/or are patient."
I spent most of my childhood, or a LOT of time on my grandparents' farms, or the uncles farm, or the cousin's/twice removed, or the neighbors farm. My parents, my siblings and I lived in town (about 14-20K people). Every weekend, or just about...we are always running to a farm/country side....
I was taught to appreciate the simple things in life, planting crops, tending to a garden and/or livestock, canning foods for the winter, PICKING ROCKS, picking weeds, making soap, etc etc etc. From the crack of dawn or little earlier, until well past sun down, we would work and be outside. (Unless, it was storming too bad or just down right too damn cold.) We were always outside. And we weren't outside, we were in the kitchen or at the kitchen table.
But any who, the last few years I haven't spent much time outside due to allergies or my new found sensitivity to sub zero temperatures. I feel lost. I cannot be myself at work. It has gotten so bad, you have to watch what you say and be cautious of the people around you. I have tried to "follow the group", as in comply with what others do to a certain extent. (I have not steered from my ethics or beliefs, that is one thing they can't take away from me.) When I can truly help people and succeed, is when I am myself and can show MY TRUE COLORS; and show customers I am not that person that just wants to make a quick buck. That I am truly looking out for their good financially speaking.
This past year has been tough. I am not going to lie. I have dealt with worse. I don't have it as bad as a lot of people out there, especially since I talk to quite a few people from all walks of life each day. I am thankful for my family and friends (both IRL and my online friends, who some have become life long friends), for without them I think I would have exploded.
It took this year, for my hubby to become severely ill for a bit. For my daughter, to come to me asking if she could become Wiccan, because she didn't believe in the Christian god. After one to many times, being told she was going to hell or judge for being a little different. It took some huge signs from the animal world and some spirit activity for me to wake the F@&# UP.
I know that I have a lot of things to "catch up" on, from where I left off from on my path per se. Jumping from subject to the next, kind of how I roll. Read one thing, then another, trying to find more about said thing/topic, so I can see how it applies to life and how "oddly" close and/or similar a lot religions/beliefs are. So I step away, just letting things digest. Then when I am ready, it's time to learn some more. Patience, I have enough to know, that I can't rush this.
I have read a few books lately, some of their common ground/teaching is patience in one sense of the word or another. Don't rush things. Slow down. Enjoy life, nature, etc. People/I need to slow down, to grow/find their way or "enlightenment" etc etc etc.
Now comes my predicament, I am trying so HARD to be patient. Not that I need much practice with patience, I have been taught that my whole life. I live it.
I know that there is good changes coming our way, 6-16 months. This is when our move, out of ultra conservative christian, the blind leading the blind; will happen. To a better place...(Financial "problems" resolved, health "problems" improved, better people, better environment)...life will be better. My family will be happier. I will be happier. I need a slower place, a quieter place, near nature where I can be outside most of the time.
"I want this to happen like yesterday." Hence, the lack of patience.
I am trying to work on my "road rage"
. I have no patience for people, that have no reason to be a on the road. (Public safety hazards, endanger their lives and everyone else.) I try to not lose my cool. I have stopped driving on the bypass, I take the long way home. I get behind that sloooow arse person. (Trying to be patient, I am doing this on purpose.) I am trying to keep my patience in the car while driving. I am trying to teach myself to be patience, not to get upset at someone else, for their lack of judgment, their need to get to the fire. (For once I learn this, I think an a true inner peace can happen, that next step.)
I need a need job, like yesterday. I hate my job right now. I want to quit/walk off said job. But I am not, stupid. Or is it, I just need a little more patience to suck it up until said move????
I am the most patient person, I don't know how much more patient I can be. I need change. I can't get said change unless I change my whole environment. I need that slower paced life, away from the hustle and bustle of it. I can further my growth and learn more about different spiritual ideas. I have also read that in addition to reading, you need to experience and practice teachings etc etc. And I don't think I can do that in my current "environment" without raising a lot of red flags. When I need to offer certain things, to mother nature/earth. (I have a great sense that the police will be called more than once, if I am truly to figure out what path I need to take.)
I just don't want to be patient anymore. But I will do just that, whatever is needed to get there. I have done it for this long. I can do it for a lil bit longer. But my patience is wearing thin...And it just seems that some people or forces are trying to prevent that if you will, to try to keep me down. But I wont let that happen, for I will be patient. I am just tired, so very, very, very tired from being so patient.
Thank you very listening if you made it this far.
*hugs*
=D
Patience.... 
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