Have you ever taken a moment out to take a look at your friends and foes? Okay so foes maybe an exaggeration. How about "members of society that you know and can surely live a healthy happy life without ever having to deal with them again"?
I know you know who I am talking about. The co-worker who slacks. The relative who gossips. The friend of a friend that you can't stand because she says one thing and does the opposite. The list is as endless as the personality percieving things, can be.
So have you really thought about it? I mean why you hang out with who you do, why you are closer to some than others and why there are just some folks you meet or even have to deal with that you would just love to initiate a throttling law for?
I know I know. Seems like a no brainer here right?
" I hang out with Cindy because we have so much in common!"
" I love being around Hank because he is always so enthuisastic and when I need a creative jump I know I'll be inspired by the way he thinks."
"Samantha and I go waaaaay back. She understands me and I , her."
"I like hanging with Robert because he always has something interesting to say, however I prefer hanging out with his cousin Mike because Mike seems to have a deeper understanding of things."
"Beth knows when I need an ear to talk off and I really appreciate that about her"
Etc Etc Etc.
"Oh I can't STAND Mary! She's such a judgemental bitch!"
"I totally wish Stanley would ditch Randy. Nothing that comes out of Randy's mouth is even remotely funny......he seems to only open it to amuse himself."
" I really wish Sarah would get a friggin backbone. Whine Whine Whine. Why the hell does she even talk to me?? I make it a POINT to ignore her."
" Crap it's Charles.....is it so wrong of me to wish a bus would play tag with him?"
Etc Etc Etc.
Aside from the obvious, have you really thought about WHY you have these feelings towards others?
"Yeah I like so n so because the are cool and nice to me. We get along. And I can na stand so n so because they are in a nutshell a jackhole."
I said ASIDE from the obvious. Your obvious I meant. I mean.....look deep down inside for a moment. There you go. Reach further. Frustrated yet?
Work with me here for a moment. There is the theory that we are all connected. That in some way or form we are all a part of each other. That in reality we are all just fractals that reflect each other, and in that reflection is a key to a lesson of internal learning which we can also apply to our external situations. In that case every person we come across reflects something in ourselves.
Maybe it is a positive thing. Perhaps it is a negative thing. Maybe it is a weakness. A strength. Even a void. Something we feel we are lacking and so notice it in another.
Those friends you identify with and hang with so much. Why? Is it because they reflect and support what you percieve and believe in? Not necessarily religious views mind you. I mean behaviour wise. Do some of them balance out something you feel you lack (" I wish I could speak my mind like Tony does!"). I am betting that the answer on some level here is yes.
We tend to hang out with others that on some level support or fill us.
Just look to any clique and you'll notice a core mindset that pretty much ousts any other type of mindset. These people form a group that is all about reaffirming some set of belief system (brand names only, geeks n gamers unite,too busy being a single mom,rockin out to the glory days,etc).
Yeah I know. That was a no brainer right? I mean it's OBVIOUS why people hang with certain people so why go into it? Well is it so obvious as to why some people scrape against your nerves like nails on a chalkboard?
It is because the same theory ( each person being a reflective fractal of another) still applies. Are you mad at George because you reconize the same tendency to be insensitive to others in yourself? Have you ever been caught gossipping about another and it bit you in the ass? Don't you HATE it when you catch another doing that? Is it because it reminds you of your own faults? Do you wish David would just stop being so mean to fat people because secretly you have made not so nice comments and judgements in your own mind?
Now this is not to say that every behaviour you witness is a direct reflection. Take child abuse for example. Raise your hand if you condone beating a small child. Yeah no hands raised. Now raise your hand if you have ever been so pissed off you want to throttle the ever lovin hell outta something or someone. Yes you in the corner, I see that hand wavering cautiously in the air....
So in the case of child abuse (as an example), no I do not think the reflective process is always direct. The core of the issue is what brings our emotion to the board.
And what could possibly tie a law abiding even minded, child friendly average Joe with some jerk who slaps around a child?
How about being so pissed off it's not even funny. Losing control. Everyone identifies with and fears that.
How about knowing that such an action not only denotes a lack of control but an element of totally rationalized selfishness? We all can identify with thoughtlessly hurting another because we felt we were in the right to.
By the way I am in no way or form condoning the act of child abuse or any type of abuse for that matter. I was just picking a sensitive topic out of the blue to show how on a subconscious level everyone can identify with the abuser. How do you think serial killer profilers do their job? They do what others are afraid to do. Look inside for the common denominating factor.
So next time you wanna scream for bloody murder because someone is being a jerk, take a moment to ask yourself "what is it inside of me that I am reconizing in this person?" This will not only allow you a window of learning about yourself, it will also give you a tool in how to handle the person who is vexing you.
Remember also that the coin flips both ways. You have much to bring to the table also. You too are a reflection for other people.
C.S.
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