The Noble Pagan Forums - Wheel of Self Image

Wheel of Self Image

What is your self-image? How close is the image you have of yourself, to that which others perceive you as?

Social means more than just showing up in a crowd of people. It takes interaction. Conservative can be noble, it can also be harmful by the lack of actions and words that prevail with it. Honesty does not always come with a baseball bat or finely honed knife. Witty can be delivered without pain. Caring is about respect, not your need to be useful.

How we see ourselves being presented to the world, and sometimes how that actually happens are two different animals at times. We may think we are being helpful, but are actually coming off obnoxious, overbearing or rude. We may think that we are being honest in the best interest of the other party, however we may be more hurtful than intended. What we think is "wild and crazy" may not even register in reality on the Richter scale in a crowd.

The real question here at hand is not "what is your self-image" rather than "which self image are you presenting?" Which time frame of yourself are you stuck in?

One would think that growing and evolving is one fluid movement. Perhaps an extended moment in time. However, the reality of it all is that there are moments in our lives that impact us greatly. These moments of impact create fractures. Those fractures create opportunities to grow, regress or stagnate. If we have chosen not to grow with the change then we stagnate or revert to a safer moment where the impact is less. When this happens we have a self-image of ourselves that is stuck in time.

We come across this all the time. How many times have you ran across a person who handles a situation like an 8 year old? Or a 16 year old? Or is conducting their current lives as if they are stuck in an era decades ago?

This is not to say that your self image is an unchanging entity. Very rarely is the way you conduct yourself for the most part, the only way you conduct yourself (although I have met some people who are fairly consistent in staying in one point in time and projecting this as their only face to the world).

People change, grow, mutate, adapt, regress, stagnate and more. So it only makes sense that the way we see ourselves and the way we project ourselves changes with that.

A lot of times we don't even realize consciously what we are seeing in ourselves or what we are throwing out. It takes a serious moment in looking at the moment and our action, interaction and reaction to the moments to see how we view ourselves and what the impact of what we do are.

An example is when we are sick.

No one likes to be sick (as a general rule of thumb ... though there are those who love it as a means to get attention).

How do you feel when you are sick? Tired, run down, groggy, miserable, achy, confused.

How do you see yourself? Sick. Tired. Dirty. Helpless. Vulnerable. Center of Attention.

At what age do you view your actions if you really look at them? Whining like a five year old? Trying to prove you can do it on your own like a teenager proving a point to a parent? Happy for being the center of attention like a young child? Embarrassed that people won't leave you alone like a pre-teen?

There are many facets and many answers. None are wrong. This question was posed to have you look at yourself in a situation and your self image v.s. what you throw out to the world. You may think you are being helpful by being independent, but in reality you are pissing everyone off by putting yourself in jeopardy. Much like a rebellious teenager (I am so guilty of this one).

So what causes you to stay in that moment? Why do you choose to cling to that fracture? What does it get you? Do you realize that who you think you are and who the world sees are two different people? Who is the person between those layers?

Where are you at now?

You know what would be fun? And yes I know I have a very different idea of what fun is in comparison to some of my other friends out there ...

Ask yourself some questions. Answer them honestly. Then answer them in the manner of how you think your friends would. Then actually ask them. This may be a better mirror than the one you look in everyday to shave your face or comb your hair. Here is an idea of how to look at yourself. The categories are endless really (I’ll start you off with one with details and then just a starter list)

1. What would you say is your socializing style?
   • For me I would say I am a Social bug.
   • I like to socialize. I feel that I make friends easily. Sometimes I am intimidated by large crowds, or by being around people I don't know. In the end though I usually come out of the situation with at least one new friend.
2. Now how do you think others see you socially?
   • How others see me (as I see them seeing me): at ease in large social situations.
3. How do they really see me?
   • Go ahead and comment back on this.
4. Humour
5. Independence
6. Honesty
7. Fear Factor (strong or weak).

You get the idea here ... so take a moment really to make a list ... how you see yourself, how you feel others see you and then (the tricky part) getting the actual feedback from your friends.

So what brings me to this topic to begin with? In the last 2 weeks alone I can count a number of people that I am good friends with who have unknowingly been participating in some unseen theme. For them it is all individualistic, however I am seeing a broader picture and I am even willing to bet that the theme goes beyond these people I care about and know, and goes beyond the time frame of just a few weeks.

That theme is self reflection. “Finding who I am again”

And so this got me to thinking ... where am I at in Which Self-Image land?

The template is really easy to view and it pertains well to any aspect of yourself that you wish to look at ...

1. First off what am I?
2. Why do I / don’t I?
3. What holds me back?
4. What self image do I have as a ...?
5. Am I keeping myself back?
6. What is the image I project to others?
7. What age am I operating at in my self image?
8. How do I feel about this role?

I’ll even answer a few of these ...

1. What am I?
   • A teacher.
2. What do I teach?
   • I have no clue. LOL! Whatever it is I know, which in my opinion is nothing special or much, seeing as anyone else can pick up a book and read, or experiment and see how it turns out.
3. What image do I have of myself as a teacher?
   • A laughable one.
4. What holds me back?
   • Fear. Fear of teaching wrong. Of people listening to me. Of people getting mad and blaming me for something or another. Sometimes I want them to listen. Other times I am glad no one takes me seriously.
5. Am I keeping myself back?
   • Yes. I need to get over these hurdles and get into the groove of things !
6. What image as a teacher do I present to others?
   • Apparently from what I gather a good one. It still kind of baffles me because teaching is something special and I do na see how what I pass on is special. I have a hard time taking credit for things.
7. What age am I operating at in this self image?
   • As a teacher? I have no idea. I think I got stuck somewhere in my late twenties (though I think I am catching up ). I’ve always wanted to help people. Always wanted to make things like gaining information an easier chore than what I had to go through.I have no formal certification (unless you count WitchSchool ) however I have been a founder of two online groups, a moderator to several more, a coordinator to two real life groups, and am now participating at The Noble Pagan as a Staffer,Public Relations Personnel, and Resource Provider.
8. How do I feel about this role?
   • I used to hate it when people called me teach. Made me cringe or get all persnickety (from operating from fear). As I have gotten older, I’m getting better at accepting it.
9. What am I?
   • A mother.
10. What is my self image as a mother?
    • A poor one. I feel there is so much more I need to do. And that I never have enough time or energy. And then sometimes I just want to be left alone.
11. What holds me back?
    • Anger. Angry that when I do try ... all it takes is some half ass parent out there to somehow have pumped out miracle kids (no attitudes, no learning disabilities, perfect poster child for the Latter Day Saints kinda kid) and they did na even try or care. And here I bust my hump and there is nothing to compare it for ... I know its not a contest. It's not like that. It's just hurt, anger, frustration. I feel like I failed.
12. Am I keeping myself back?
    • Yes. Anger becomes depression. Irritation becomes inflammation. Between feeling sad and being sick I have no energy. I need to get up off my ass and do something more.
13. What is my image to others as a parent?
    • Apparently they think I am doing a spiffy job. I get so many comments on "how do you do that?" You mean there is a choice? LOL! They are my kids. I may not always do right. I may not always do the best. I do what I can. Some days more than other days. My goal is to do better.
14. What age am I operating at in this self image?
    • I think it fluctuates. I had my son at 17 so I had to grow up fast and I did my damndest. At 20 I had my daughter. It's hard to say where I operate out as a mother. My inner child is something very much on the surface ... I try very hard though to be the much needed adult.
15. How do I feel about this role?
    • Ambivalent. Some days I want a certificate or a star chart saying “You’s doon ggggrrrrrrrreeeeaaaaatttt!!!!
16. What am I?
    • A wife.
17. What is my self image as a wife?
    • I do okay. I am honest, loyal, loving, and supportive. I wish I was more bubbly in personality or more attractive. I love my husband to no end and I can only hope that I do right by him.
18. What holds me back?
    • For being a wife? Nothing. I do what I can. It's like raising the kids only on an adult level. There are some days I can give it my all. And some days where I can't handle anyone else's stress.
19. Am I holding myself back?
    • No. For once in my life I have a partner I am happy with.How do others view me as a wife?I don't know. They know I love my husband very much. I am assuming my husband knows that too.
20. At what age do I operate from this self image?
    • LOL! I am really not sure ... marriage is one of those projects where you have to constantly grow in order to be successful.
21. How do I feel about this role?
    • I used to be all wigged out (what would a GOOD wife be like???). After 7 years and three deployments, I’m fairly sure I have an idea what a good marriage is supposed to resemble.
22. What am I ?
    • A Witch. Or something like that !
23. What is my self image as a Witch?
    • Laughable. I am the most unmagickal magickal being you will ever meet. I don't do spells often. I don't really celebrate holidays (they depress me) and my ESP abilities are sporadic.
24. What holds me back?
    • Fear. I am told I am powerful. Sure don't feel like it. I seem to have a lot of excess energy (okaaaay). I don't feel that I am authentic. I have no formal training. I have no focus. I fear that I will end up hurting someone or that people will notice me and want "more".
25. Am I holding myself back?
    • Yes. There is much that I can do to further myself. I just need to do it.
26. How do others view me as a Witch?
    • You know ... I have no idea. It's not like I wear this huge button saying "I'm a WITCH! See what I can do!"
27. At what age do I operate this self image from?
    • I am finally growing out of that stage where I was looking to someone to teach me. For validity of my beliefs and talents. I am, I believe now catching up with my physical age (though sometimes and more oft than not, I feel as if I have stepped into some strange time warp and have become some hag in the body of a just past 30 year old).
28. How do I feel about this role?
    • I’m still (astrologically speaking) a number one flakey cake (YAY!) I used to be weirded out by what I could do, what I know and basically who I am. I am now getting more comfy with myself.
29. Do I know who I am?
    • At this point I would say the sums to my decisions.

I am still exploring myself as you can see. I am still working on myself. Still healing. Still growing. Still trying.

So what is my goal? To face those fears. To grow from those fractures into new directions. I do not need to cling to ideals and ideas that no longer work for who I am now nor who I want to be.

So for all my friends who are soul searching within themselves, who are trying to find those lost parts or boost the awesome parts, for those who are trying to reconnect or redefine ... I’m right there with you. This is how I am wandering about on my journey ... I hope that maybe my map notes can help you with yours.

C/S/

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